Stimulus Driven Pleasure vs Genuine Happiness

Stimulus Driven Pleasure versus Genuine Happiness

One of the constant problems in our lives is that we confuse stimulus driven pleasure with genuine happiness. We are constantly looking for lasting happiness in people, places, activities, jobs, relationships and other outside elements. The pervasive delusion of our time is that the source of our happiness or our suffering is somewhere outside of ourselves. We keep thinking that if we get the right job, the right relationship, or the right house, we will be happy. Of course, we all know that we can have all these things and still be subject to anger, frustration, depression, resentment, and more. All of these things outside of ourselves can provide a short-term stimulus driven pleasure. They can also provide the conditions for suffering. The things in our lives that cause us the most amount of worry, stress, anxiety or fear are often the things we care for the most such as our relationships, job and family. In other words, the things that we think will bring us lasting happiness often become the conditions from which much of our mental and emotional suffering come from. We’re essentially looking for happiness in all the wrong places.

Quoting B. Alan Wallace, “Genuine happiness does not come from the world, rather it comes from what we bring to it.” What we mean by genuine happiness is an inner flourishing, a lasting sense of wellbeing, inner peace and connection. It does not mean that we are giddy all the time, but it does mean we know tranquility and are able to respond to the ups and downs of life with stability and loving-kindness. The main point here is to not confuse stimulus driven pleasure with lasting happiness. Our genuine happiness is not contingent upon outside sources, requiring things to go our way. It does not come from the delicious meal, the job, or our relationship. It comes from how we prepared the delicious meal; making it to keep our bodies healthy and sharing it with others. It does not come from the job. It comes from how we do our job; being helpful to our coworkers and being ethical at work. It does not come from our relationship. It comes from how we show up and participate in our relationship. The amazing discovery is that we already have inner peace and genuine happiness. It is always present underneath the worries and busyness of our obsessive, compulsive and delusional mind. When the mind is balanced and clear, there naturally arises a feeling of well-being and inner flourishing that is often described as bliss.

Another model we can use to illustrate this point is the Eight Worldly Concerns. The worldly concerns are motivating factors in our life quest for happiness that can sometimes lead us away from our ethics and wisdom. They are:

Gain and loss – We are very happy when we get what we want and then not happy when we lose things or people we like. Thus we spend a lot of time and energy trying to get what we want and avoid losing these things.

Pleasure and pain – We enjoy pleasurable things. In fact, that’s the definition of pleasure. Of course, we don’t enjoy pain and we seek to avoid it.

Praise and criticism – We like it when people praise us and are unhappy when people criticize us. On very subtle levels, we spend a lot of our time seeking validation of others and trying to avoid their displeasure.

Good reputation and bad reputation (also called fame and insignificance) – We want people to think highly of us and don’t feel very good when others think ill of us or that we don’t have much to offer.

When we examine our lives we will discover that the above worldly concerns are a driving force in all of our activities of mind and body. There’s nothing wrong seeking the things we need and trying to avoid losing them, seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, appreciating validation from others and having a good reputation. The problem comes when we allow these temporary concerns to override our long-term well-being and happiness. The worldly concerns are stimulus driven, short-term pleasure. They are temporary and often create the ground of much worry, rumination and unnecessary suffering when they are our primary guiding motivation. We need to remember their limitations.

Our genuine happiness does not come from the worldly concerns. It comes from how we live our lives, mentally, emotionally and physically. It is grounded in wisdom and ethics.

When our actions in life are motivated by the desire to live a meaningful life, in alignment with our values and is of benefit to self and others, were able to create long-term happiness and well-being.

The problem is that most of the time we are motivated by worldly concerns without reflecting upon our values and wisdom. In the quest to get what we want, be accepted by others, or just feel good, we often go against our own values in very subtle ways without even being aware of it. When we are in alignment with our values, we do the right thing regardless of gain or loss, pain or pleasure, praise or criticism, or reputation, and feel much better about ourselves in the long run. What others think about us is not nearly as important as what we think about ourselves. It is important to bring wisdom into our choices. Often it’s very healthy to endure a little pain or to put off some pleasure for a beneficial long-term result. We teach our children about delayed gratification and often forget to apply it in our own lives. As we make choices in our life, rather than reacting to feelings and desires that arise, it’s important to take a moment to reflect upon making healthy choices that contribute to long-term benefit and the life you define is meaningful.

© 2015 Mindful Life Program Inc

Establishing a Daily Practice

Establishing a Daily Practice

One of the keys to establishing a successful daily practice is to actually start the evening before. Instead of waiting till you wake up to set your intention for the day, set your intention to wake up with some time dedicated to reflection and/or meditation before you go to bed at night. You will find that this is extremely helpful as you’ve already laid the groundwork to wake up with intention.

Upon awakening, as soon as possible, start shaping your motivation by calling to mind that you have the opportunity to awaken to another precious day. It is wonderful if you can bring into your mind as quickly as possible a reminder of just how fortunate you truly are and set the intention to use this day as an opportunity to develop yourself and live it meaningfully. Ideally, it is best to do this while you’re still in bed and as you place your feet on the ground to get out of bed, consciously step into your day with attention.

Before your day gets busy take a little time for reflection and/or meditation. We suggest that every day your reflection includes a little time dedicated to three thoughts to inspire your day:

  • Call to mind an accurate assessment of your life – Reflect on how fortunate you are to have the life of opportunity you do. So many in our world don’t even have the opportunity to have an education, have drinking water in their own home or freedom to make choices in their own lives. Bring to your awareness all of the things you have to be grateful for. Make it relevant and personal.
  • Having called to mind the opportunities you have, take a moment to reflect on the impermanent nature of life. Call to mind the truth that death is certain and the time of death is uncertain. Think of all those you have known that have passed away. Don’t do this in a morbid way, but as an affirmation of the precious and fragile nature of life. To remind yourself that this day is a gift and will never come again – you have it but once.
  • You have a life filled with opportunities but it won’t last forever. We invite you to take a little time to ask yourself what will be important to you at the time of death. Is it all the things you typically worry about throughout the day? What will really matter? What is a meaningful life to you? How do you want to live this day? Set your intention to not waste this day and live it with attention and intention, cultivating the qualities that you find meaningful.

The above three thoughts are merely a suggestion. If you find all three or any one of them beneficial, then include them in your daily reflection/contemplation time.

In order to cultivate attention in your life it is important to include some meditation. We usually suggest a mindfulness of breath meditation as it is extremely efficient in developing attentional balance. We have some guided meditations available for your convenience varying in length from five minutes to 24 minutes. If you are just starting a practice, it is important to not try to do too much too soon. Quality is much more important than quantity. We suggest you start off with a shorter time and then gradually increase the amount of time that you meditate. There are further directions and helpful tips in the meditation section.

After your meditation, we suggest you take a little time to read and reflect upon the daily quote and the activity for the day. If you find the activity to be something you are inspired to engage in, set a strong intention to do it for the day. Each activity invites you to stop a few times throughout the day and note some reflections. If you can do this you will find it extremely beneficial. If you found a particular activity very beneficial and would like to do it for more than one day that is absolutely appropriate.

At the end of the day we suggest that you take a few minutes to reflect upon the day. Take a little time to note what went well and what you would like to improve. If there is something that was difficult and you did not handle it skillfully, take a little time to reflect upon what happened and how you would like to handle it more skillfully the next time. Set strong intention to handle it skillfully next time. We have a meditation that can help you with this titled Transforming Unskillful Events.

Before bed, set again your intention to wake up and dedicate some time in the morning to your mindfulness practice.

Daily Practice Resources

 

 MLP Values List (193.0 KB)

MLP Daily Mindfulness Check In (125.2 KB)
 

© 2018 Mindful Life Program Inc

 

 

Concentration and Meditation

Concentration and Meditation

One of the key components to living mindfully – is learning how to tame the unruly mind and cultivate attentional balance. In other words, we must learn how to direct our attention where we want it and hold it there. Ultimately, this is the only way to establish free will in our lives.

It is a common myth that we have such free will and use it daily. Most of our choices and reactions are triggered by an unruly mind; they are not conscious choices based in reality. If we are to have free will in our lives, we need to be present in the current moment with clarity and wisdom. Instead of having the mind drag us around from one thought or feeling to the next, we need to train the mind to serve us in the healthiest way possible.

If we observe the mind, we will notice that it tends to be either very active – ruminating, planning, reminiscing (often referred to as monkey mind) – or tired, such as when we can’t muster the energy to pay attention. These two states are often described as excitation and laxity – the mind tends to be either too excited or too lax. Rarely is it relaxed, stable and attentive. This dual tendency – excitation and laxity – is a common one that has been noted in many wisdom traditions throughout time. It is so common, in fact, that people just get used to it and accept is as a normal state of mind. While this acceptance is a pervasive human experience, in truth it is not our natural state of mind. The natural state of the mind is blissful, luminous and non-conceptual.

Unfortunately, the obsessive, compulsive and delusional activities of the mind obscure its true natural state. This state is verifiable – consistently replicated by meditators over thousands of years – yet it eludes us. When we are able to cultivate attentional balance, avoid getting caught up in excitation or laxity, and develop the ability to rest our awareness in a relaxed, stable and clear way, only then will we discover this natural, blissful state of mind.

The method of cultivating attentional balance that has been refined over thousands of years is available to us in concentration meditation otherwise known as shamatha (calm abiding). This specific practice is the antidote to the most detrimental mental affliction we have: the obsessive and compulsive mind. Before unveiling this method further, let us say a few words about meditation.

First, the form of meditation we are suggesting is very simple and can be done by anyone. You do not need to climb a mountain, sit in full lotus position, or learn any complicated visualizations. It is as simple as learning to relax your body, breathe naturally and pay attention.

Second, there are many different types of meditation, and all of them are designed with a specific purpose in mind. The great teachers of all traditions will emphasize that it does not matter so much that we sit this way or that way, do this meditation or that meditation; what matters is whether our meditation counteracts our mental afflictions. This is a very important point, and one that is overlooked far too frequently. So often we hear studies indicating that meditation has all sorts of wonderful benefits. Nice posters state that, if we all meditated, the world would be a peaceful place. Unfortunately, these claims are often out of context and not entirely true. Meditation can have a beneficial, non-beneficial, or neutral effect on us. We can use meditation to escape the responsibilities and challenges of life – or to face them. We can use meditation to concentrate all our energy on selfish means – or on helping others. We can do elaborate meditations working with energy and, without proper guidance, actually damage our bodies. We can also use certain meditations – understanding their specific purpose and with guidance from a qualified teacher – that enable us to alleviate, if not eliminate, mental and physical afflictions, thus improving our quality of life.

So remember that when learning to meditate it is very important for us to understand the purpose of the meditation, the directions of the meditation and how it addresses our afflictions. The concentration meditation that used in MLP is very safe, easy to learn and can be extremely effective in cultivating attentional balance.

Because many of us do not have a great deal of freedom and time to participate in hours of training, practice and meditation, it is also important to use what little time we do have to meditate in the most effective way. Most people are fortunate if they have 30 minutes a day to dedicate to formal meditation practice. We lead very busy lives, and it can be challenging to break old habits and create the time for a meditation practice. So, if you are able to meditate for only 10, 20 or 30 minutes, why not choose the meditation that directly counteracts our biggest obstacle, the unruly mind? That is the very specific purpose of concentration meditation practice.

Meditation practices are divided into two categories: concentration and contemplative/analytical. Concentration meditation such as shamatha is a concentration practice designed to develop attentional balance. The unique feature of this meditation is that we focus all of our awareness on one object to the exclusion of all else. In this way, we are able to train the mind to attend to what we choose, rather than have it drag our attention around. This meditation practice is also very healthy for our bodies. It allows us to rest body and mind in their natural states, which, in itself, is very healing. An added bonus to all of these benefits is that this meditation is a simple and straightforward practice that all of us can learn. It has three stages of development: relaxation, stability and vividness. It is often explained using a tree as a metaphor.

The roots of the tree represent relaxation. For us to truly progress in this practice, we need to be able to relax the body while keeping the mind alert. As simple as this sounds, we find that it is a skill to be cultivated. Rarely is the body physically relaxed while the mind is clear and mentally alert. We notice that when we relax, we have a tendency to feel very tired, or even fall asleep. Most of the time, the nervous system is quite active and ramped up. So, initially, our practice is simply learning how to relax our bodies without falling asleep. This is the root of our tree.

As we develop in our practice and are able to be alert while relaxed, what will become the trunk of our tree – stability – begins to sprout. Stability occurs when we are able to maintain our attention on our chosen object of meditation. If we have a consistent practice, even if it is only a short time daily, we will learn to have a relaxed body and an alert mind that is eventually able to remain focused on what we have chosen to attend to. This is a gradual process; trying to hurry does not help.

At first, the mind will wander many times, challenging us to maintain stability. At this point, many people struggle and begin to believe that they are not capable of meditating. However, this is when we are actually making progress! If the mind wanders 10 times during meditation and we bring it back 10 times, we have just had 10 mindful moments that we would not have had otherwise. Every time we notice that the mind has wandered, we become mindful and are able to direct it back consciously. This is the process of training the mind.

Most the time, when the mind wanders, we are not aware of it; it just takes us along for the ride. But gradually, with consistent practice, the trunk of stability will develop, and we will be able to rest our awareness on our chosen object for longer periods of time. Eventually, this will lead to a high degree of clarity and a vividness; these are the leaves of our tree. There is a sequence: First relaxation, then stability and, finally, vividness. Of course, in our goal-oriented modern Western world, we often try to reach for the leaves first, before we have developed healthy roots and a strong trunk. Rather than being beneficial, this actually hinders our progress.

There are two primary reasons people struggle to develop a consistent meditation practice. First, we don’t really know why we are meditating. We have a vague idea that it is good for us, we have read about its benefits and we believe that it will bring us inner peace. Then we try different meditations with hope that we will find . . . something. However, because we don’t know the specific qualities of the meditation we’re doing and how it is targeted to specific afflictions, it is difficult for us to see any progress, and our practice fades away.

Establishing any new habit is challenging; to be successful, we have to have a clear, realistic goal and a measurable path by which to arrive at that goal. As we prepare to meditate, we like to remind people to take a little time to remember why we are meditating – to call to mind that this is an opportunity to develop ourselves fully and cultivate a meaningful life with attention and intention. By choosing to meditate, we are developing the ability to direct the mind and attention where we choose, to no longer live unconsciously, to stop falling victim to every thought, feeling, worry or desire that pops into our heads. We give ourselves permission to relax and nourish ourselves, allowing body and mind to heal and become resources we can draw upon.

The second reason we struggle with meditation is that we try to do too much too soon. It is much better to start with short meditations of good quality than long meditations of poor quality. Quality is much more important than quantity with meditation. When we begin a meditation practice, it is best to choose a short one and learn to do it well. Venerable Thubten Chodron states that the best meditation practice occurs when we finish and feel as if we could have done a bit more. This encourages us to look forward to our next session rather than seeing it as a chore, which we might do after a painfully long session.

© 2015 Mindful Life Program Inc