mindfulness Archives - Mindful Life Program

Empathetic Joy for Today’s Times

News headlines of late do actually contain good news, but the balance is certainly heavily tilted towards one devastating or at least discouraging event after another. We tend to be drawn in by these reports, and can easily be under the delusion that they represent an accurate account of what goes on in the world. In truth, they represent a small portion of the daily events, activities and interactions between individuals and groups throughout the world. This is not to minimize the harm that does take place or avoid in any way dealing with it. But to succumb to the delusion that this is a full picture of humanity today or to be drawn in by their seductive messages can lead many of us to a place that fosters both thoughts and emotions that are neither healthy nor beneficial. For every account in the news of a business scandal, how many businesses are involved in truly working to make the world a better place, serve their customers with honesty and conduct their business dealings with virtue? For every account of child abuse, how many parents and adults every day show children generous kindness and heartfelt support for their well-being and growth? To be able see and remember and even rejoice in the goodness found in our world is an essential part of living mindfully. As William James said so astutely, “Our view of the world is truly shaped by what we decide to hear.” Or as others have said, what we attend to becomes your reality.

We all experience thoughts and mental and emotional states like an ongoing flow of water in a river throughout our day. Much if not most of these arise unintentionally, and occur out of habit and conditioning and in response to our environment, seen clearly or with delusion. As John Bruna writes in his book “The Wisdom of a Meaningful Life: The Essence of Mindfulness,” “the good news is that we can change our conditioning. We can develop and strengthen the mental and emotional states we find beneficial. There are specific mental states that are extremely healthy and are direct antidotes to harmful ones. They include: equanimity, loving kindness, compassion and empathetic joy. In Buddhism these healthy states are referred to as the four immeasurable attitudes.”

Choosing, with wisdom and intention, to cultivate these attitudes supports us in watering healthy thoughts and emotions, leaving much less room for harmful or unhealthy ones. As in your garden, when the lettuce and carrots are thriving, the weeds are not able to take hold as easily. When we tend to the vegetables, fertilizing and watering them, we have less need to fuss with the weeds.

Empathetic joy is the attitude of rejoicing in the virtuous activities and rewards of others. When we are able to first mindfully notice the kindnesses going on around us, the care of parents for their children, the virtuous actions of businesses, the wonderful successes of groups creating positive changes in our community, country or internationally, we take the first step. When we rejoice with appreciation, whether quiet and inward or by offering gratitude or sharing the good news, we water the seeds of empathetic joy. Practicing this daily, noting the good, the kind, the virtuous and generous, we create the habit of seeing more clearly and rejoicing more often. When others do well, and do good, we all benefit. The more love, kindness, compassion and joy there is in others, the better off we all are. The emphasis here is virtuous, not just hollow success or worldly activities. Empathetic joy is the antidote to jealousy and envy, but also serves to counter the hopelessness, the gloom, the weight of seeing the world only through skewed headlines. Discernment is key, as empathetic joy can be misconstrued as advice to put on rose colored glasses. The illusory facsimile of empathetic joy is the Pollyanna syndrome, a superficial kind of positive thinking that is not discerning. Empathetic joy helps us recognize and rejoice in those things that are truly beneficial, and the practice of empathetic joy starts with seeing the good in our world.

“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.” Henry David Thoreau

Intention as a Seed for Action

It takes action to make meaningful change in our lives. And in order to make change in the direction we’d prefer, we have to water the seeds of the actions we want to practice. It’s been said that without a cause there is no result. But what is the cause of action? What is the seed of action?

Ralph Waldo Emerson is quoted as saying, “Thought is the seed of action.”

For some of us, if any and every thought leads to the seed of and action from that thought, it could be an unfortunate thing! I have had thought seeds I surely wouldn’t want to water and have them grow up into being real actions. You probably have too. I would venture to say we all have.

We have lots of thoughts of many kinds. In fact, our minds are continuously producing them without any help from us. We learn that well when we sit to meditate. It can feel like an avalanche of thoughts was unleashed as soon as we settled in. We have unintentional thoughts, but we can also direct our thoughts intentionally.

What is key is to recognize that actions that come from unintentional thoughts don’t always work out so well, unless we’ve cultivated really good habits of thought. Actions that come from intentional thoughts tend to be the kinds of actions that align more with our preferences and even our values.

What’s the use of intention without action? Or action without clear intention? Action without intention is like a ship without a caption. It’ll just be luck if it makes it to a safe harbor. Intention without action is a good first step, but doesn’t get us too far nor does it make an impact in our lives or the lives of others.

You may have heard the riddle that if there are three birds sitting on a fence and one decides to fly away, how many are left? Most people seem to quickly answer that there’s two birds left. But does just deciding to fly away make it happen? Just like deciding to get out and exercise more, or just deciding to be less reactive with a person you have difficulty with? It’s a good riddle for illustrating the fact that just deciding, or just setting an intention doesn’t insure follow through. It’s just a seed, and it may be a seed for something very beneficial. But a seed needs the right conditions and care to grow. And it needs to be watered regularly. Intention is surely a first step and a key factor. But action is where the rubber meets the road.

Intentions are also a wonderful and very useful way to check in on our actions. We can look back on our earlier intention and see how we’re doing, and see if we need a gentle course correction, or we could put some energy into renewing our intention. For example, when you first learned about mindfulness or the Mindful Life Program, did you have an intention for some kind of change? Were you looking to cultivate certain qualities, make a shift in how you live, or grow in some particular area? Were you looking to suffer a little less from an unruly and busy mind, or respond to challenges in your life in a healthier way? How can you water these intentions and have them lead to wise action and meaningful change?

Another useful way to look at intentions is with the lens of our values. Are our intentions aligned with our values? Or have we set some intentions to do some things or achieve some things that really, after some thoughtful reflection, don’t align when we really think about what a meaningful life is to us.

At the Mindful Life Program, we say often that a meaningful life is lived with attention and intention. Tied together with intention is attention. If we don’t cultivate attention, good luck staying focused on your intention, remembering it, and calling it to mind. Just as intention without action doesn’t get us far, having an intention, but not being able to attend to it, call it to mind, have the presence of mind to act on it also does not get us too far. One of the best ways to cultivate attention is shamatha or mindfulness of breath meditation, as it gives us practice in creating attentional balance and the ability to choose one thought over another.

I invite you to call to mind the aspirations, qualities or habits that you would like to develop in your life and choose one that you can take action on today. What action will plant a seed for that today? Set the intention to do what it takes to plant that seed today. Remember that while seeds are small, with good and regular care and conditions, they can become mighty. How can you take steps to nurture that seed today and over time?

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
Mahatma Gandhi