Stimulus Driven Pleasure vs Genuine Happiness

Stimulus Driven Pleasure versus Genuine Happiness

One of the constant problems in our lives is that we confuse stimulus driven pleasure with genuine happiness. We are constantly looking for lasting happiness in people, places, activities, jobs, relationships and other outside elements. The pervasive delusion of our time is that the source of our happiness or our suffering is somewhere outside of ourselves. We keep thinking that if we get the right job, the right relationship, or the right house, we will be happy. Of course, we all know that we can have all these things and still be subject to anger, frustration, depression, resentment, and more. All of these things outside of ourselves can provide a short-term stimulus driven pleasure. They can also provide the conditions for suffering. The things in our lives that cause us the most amount of worry, stress, anxiety or fear are often the things we care for the most such as our relationships, job and family. In other words, the things that we think will bring us lasting happiness often become the conditions from which much of our mental and emotional suffering come from. We’re essentially looking for happiness in all the wrong places.

Quoting B. Alan Wallace, “Genuine happiness does not come from the world, rather it comes from what we bring to it.” What we mean by genuine happiness is an inner flourishing, a lasting sense of wellbeing, inner peace and connection. It does not mean that we are giddy all the time, but it does mean we know tranquility and are able to respond to the ups and downs of life with stability and loving-kindness. The main point here is to not confuse stimulus driven pleasure with lasting happiness. Our genuine happiness is not contingent upon outside sources, requiring things to go our way. It does not come from the delicious meal, the job, or our relationship. It comes from how we prepared the delicious meal; making it to keep our bodies healthy and sharing it with others. It does not come from the job. It comes from how we do our job; being helpful to our coworkers and being ethical at work. It does not come from our relationship. It comes from how we show up and participate in our relationship. The amazing discovery is that we already have inner peace and genuine happiness. It is always present underneath the worries and busyness of our obsessive, compulsive and delusional mind. When the mind is balanced and clear, there naturally arises a feeling of well-being and inner flourishing that is often described as bliss.

Another model we can use to illustrate this point is the Eight Worldly Concerns. The worldly concerns are motivating factors in our life quest for happiness that can sometimes lead us away from our ethics and wisdom. They are:

Gain and loss – We are very happy when we get what we want and then not happy when we lose things or people we like. Thus we spend a lot of time and energy trying to get what we want and avoid losing these things.

Pleasure and pain – We enjoy pleasurable things. In fact, that’s the definition of pleasure. Of course, we don’t enjoy pain and we seek to avoid it.

Praise and criticism – We like it when people praise us and are unhappy when people criticize us. On very subtle levels, we spend a lot of our time seeking validation of others and trying to avoid their displeasure.

Good reputation and bad reputation (also called fame and insignificance) – We want people to think highly of us and don’t feel very good when others think ill of us or that we don’t have much to offer.

When we examine our lives we will discover that the above worldly concerns are a driving force in all of our activities of mind and body. There’s nothing wrong seeking the things we need and trying to avoid losing them, seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, appreciating validation from others and having a good reputation. The problem comes when we allow these temporary concerns to override our long-term well-being and happiness. The worldly concerns are stimulus driven, short-term pleasure. They are temporary and often create the ground of much worry, rumination and unnecessary suffering when they are our primary guiding motivation. We need to remember their limitations.

Our genuine happiness does not come from the worldly concerns. It comes from how we live our lives, mentally, emotionally and physically. It is grounded in wisdom and ethics.

When our actions in life are motivated by the desire to live a meaningful life, in alignment with our values and is of benefit to self and others, were able to create long-term happiness and well-being.

The problem is that most of the time we are motivated by worldly concerns without reflecting upon our values and wisdom. In the quest to get what we want, be accepted by others, or just feel good, we often go against our own values in very subtle ways without even being aware of it. When we are in alignment with our values, we do the right thing regardless of gain or loss, pain or pleasure, praise or criticism, or reputation, and feel much better about ourselves in the long run. What others think about us is not nearly as important as what we think about ourselves. It is important to bring wisdom into our choices. Often it’s very healthy to endure a little pain or to put off some pleasure for a beneficial long-term result. We teach our children about delayed gratification and often forget to apply it in our own lives. As we make choices in our life, rather than reacting to feelings and desires that arise, it’s important to take a moment to reflect upon making healthy choices that contribute to long-term benefit and the life you define is meaningful.

© 2015 Mindful Life Program Inc